hey folks…
writing smethin after a very very long time.infact dnt knw what caused that gap.as usual a creative dryness was there bt more than that i ws busy.along with ma studies i ws carryin sme responsibilites durin the past months,like ws headin a relegious youth organization KCYM ,ws doin a television show called panorama and stuffs like that.so a big share of ma time went to these ventures and as a result the process of writing got limited to writing scripts for panorama.but today smethin deep inside ma heart urges me to write smethin.i read smewhere that,whenever u r down emotionally u’ll be a at a creative high.and that seems true in ma case.
for the last few days i’m goin thru smethin that could be called as an emotional trauma.heavy wrd naa…so i felt that if i write smething then ma mind would become little free.so i thot i would write the things that are causin me a concern for the last few days.
Last day when i was chattin with a gud frnd of mine,we recalled sme events that tuk place durin the first year of ma clg.actually those events led to a temporary break up in d relnshp that i had with a set of frnds in ma class.mistake ws mine n i terribly regret abt those happenings.by god’s grace by the end of ma 2nd yr,again we all became in good touch but as nt gud as it ws and i dont deserve it to be.so when we were chatting we talkd abt these things and i expressed ma regret too.at that point of time she said,”mridul,you are a very successfull person.so dont worry about those things that happend,and we’ll get back our lost days of frndshp also.”.with that note our conversation got over for that day..
but today i was thinkin “Am I A Succesfull Person?”.for an outsider i am..coz i’ve got marks,a job in hand,a great family,a big circle of frns,contacts,fame,limelight,skills,talents..what more someone cud ask for.but are these things determine the success of a person ?? that question haunts me “Am I A Succesfull Person?”.i lack somethin..i do lack somethin…and it is nothin but a GOAL !! A Lakshyaa…Some cause for what i should work for.
today i talkd with a girl who is a successfull air hostess.she is of my age only,but she is earning 100 times more than what i earn…she had visited many countries.but where i’m..where is mridul george who is considered as a successfull person.i’m stil in ma muvattupuzha..(ofcrz i do luv this place)..dat girl had a dream,a goal and she achieved it in the best way she can…
take the case of my best frnd..she has got a goal in her life..to become a civil servant snd she is working for that.she knows what she will be doin after her engineering.
a cuzin of mine,who ws just an average student always durin his studies,will be flyin to newzeland nxt month for his higher studies.
still mridul is simply sittin here,without knowin what he shld do after his studies…
by god’s grace i’ve got a job in ma hand..as a s/w engg in one of the best companies of the world..in a cmpny that has got more than a lakh employess..but whats the point in becomin one in a lakh or one in a million…is thats the place where a so called ’successfull person’ shld end up…i dnt think so..i’m not a successfull person…
by april-may,ma studies wil got over…and i’ll b d biggest loser in ma class..someone who used to say big big things,but never reached smewhere…smeone who nver enjyd life..but pretended to enjoy
.what did i do in last four yrs..showed sme attitude..didnt stand with ma frnds at a point of time where i had to..left the scene makin ma part safe..
.almost every one says “mridul wil become this,he wil bcme that”.but today i fear that i would end up with out becomin anyone..jst as an unmentioned part of history…
for the first time in ma life..i’m runnin on such a low level of self confidence !!!
